i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
