you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize