Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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