my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
