All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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