She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
