Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
