just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am naked and annoyed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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