I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
