I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize