so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize