he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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