were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
