she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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