When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
