if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
