she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
