Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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