Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
