i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
