So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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