My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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