I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
