Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
