you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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