How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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