i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
