i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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