I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
