I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
