you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
