I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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