I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
