Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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