Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
