break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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