You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
