is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
