You smell like stripper and shame
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
