how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
