At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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