Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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