was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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