just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
