cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
