ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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