You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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