he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
