Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
