Apparently you make a good broom.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
