I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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