2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
