Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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