i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
