the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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