I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't turn off my feet"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
