if you like me you must not know who I am
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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