The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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