I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
