My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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