just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
