I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
