I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
