you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
