you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
