uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
