I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
