we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i out mim tonsoeep
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