I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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