yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
