I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
