I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
