This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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